Gall Bladder

I'm going to meet with a surgeon today to talk about potentially taking my gall bladder out. The pain is fairly constant - not really painful at all times, but nagging. The pessimist in me wonders if it's something else and not my gall bladder. The optimist thinks I should get it out and go about my life. We shall see.

I am a nutjob

My doctor, thank goodness, did not tell me that. She agreed that my side is a little swollen. She believes that the pain may be caused by some gall bladder issues that I have been experiencing. Luckily, I have a hepatobiliary scan tomorrow. Basically, they put some radioactive stuff in you through an IV and take images of your gall bladder and liver to see how it goes through them. Or something like that. It sounds a little uncomfortable - I have to lay still for quite a while. But hopefully I'll have some answers soon.

Anxiety

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Mostly because I have decided that there's no doubt I'm a hypochondriac. It's definitely not something I'm proud of. I've been typing in symptoms I've been experiencing into google. Definitely not something I'd recommend. Because each thing that comes up is worse than the last. And most of the results point to cancer. CANCER. Now I've convinced myself that I have it. Even if there is only one of my symptoms that match, I know I have it.

I'm headed to the doctor later because I've had this pain in my side for a while and now it seems to be swollen. Cancer? Ugh!

I wish I could afford a full body scan - just to put my mind at ease. I'm sure it's not something that my insurance would pay for, but I wish it would.

This is no way to live. I cannot keep thinking that I may be dying. Please... someone talk me down!!!

New Approach

I've decided to take a new approach with my journey. That approach is to concentrate on one good new habit at a time. My first good habit was to not bring soda into the house. If any of you have a horrible diet coke habit, as I do, you know how hard it is.

It's torture to walk past the display at the grocery store... the one that tells you that you can have three 12-packs of delicious diet coke for the bargain price of $10. But that's what I've done for the past 18 days. I've done this before with much success, but fell off the wagon this summer and started bringing soda back in the house. I decided that once we got back from vacation, I would end my soda addiction once again. So far, so good. I do allow myself soda when I am out. But seeing that we are trying not to spend money as much any more, we haven't been going out to eat quite as much as we have in the past. So my soda consumption is way down.

The next healthy habit that I am focusing on is water consumption. While not drinking soda, my water drinking has much improved. And that is what I'm trying to do now.

I have not been very good at exercising lately. My preschooler has finally started school again, so I will be doing something active during preschool today. I have not decided if I'm going to go to the gym or take a long walk outside. I'm leaning towards the outside walk - who knows how much more beautiful weather we will have.

Five Pounds

That's about how much I gained on vacation... five pounds. It's no wonder - I did not think twice before putting things in my mouth and had quite a bit of alcohol to drink. It was to be expected.

So, officially, I'm down 18 pounds from where I was about a year ago. which is 13 pounds up from my lowest in March. Not the best situation, but certainly not the worst.

We took lots of photos on our trip. I was in many of them. You know how you have a picture in your head of what you look like? Well, it turns out the picture I have in my head of what I think I look like and what I actually look like in pictures is not the same thing. 200 pounds is not little, no matter what I've been telling myself. I have a long way to go.

Bad Blogger

I've been having many thoughts about my journey down the weight loss trail and I'm just about ready to rededicate myself. We're headed out tomorrow for vacation and when I return, I will check back in.

Better Choices

I took another super long walk last evening and when I got home I ate an apple instead of cookies or ice cream. Much better choice!

We're headed to my husband's 20th high school reunion tomorrow for the weekend. His parents no longer live in the town where he went to high school, so we're staying in a hotel. I wish we were going to a better place (like the beach or a fun big city!) for our weekend alone, but that's okay. I'm looking forward to hanging out with my husband with no responsibilities for a couple of days. And six hours in the car will give me time to talk to my hubby, catch up on some reading and maybe even get a nap!

Note to Self

It is fantastic that you have taken three long (one hour plus) walks this week. However, it is not going to help you lose any weight if you continue to eat cookies and ice cream when you get home from these walks!

Post Reunion Weekend Follow-up

What a blast my weekend was. I had so much fun catching up with my bestest high school friends. I'm the only one that lives close to where we went to school, so my house was our home base. Three of the girls came in on Thursday and stayed with me Thursday and Friday. We caught up with one more of the girls at the Happy Hour on Friday. I got my husband to hang out with us and drive us - I owe him big! Finally, the last of the girlfriends got in Saturday morning and we picked her up at the Metro and headed straight to the picnic at the high school. My husband also brought my kids so they could see where mommy went to school.

We had a tour of the school - it is in desperate need of renovation. It was pretty sad, actually. I'm glad that we now live in an area where my kids go to newer schools. The high school was built in the late 60's and hasn't had much updating done in the past 40 years.

After the picnic, we drove around to everyone's old houses (not even their parents still live in the area). We laughed a lot and told lots of old stories. Then headed to the hotel. We had gotten rooms where the reunion was held, which was a really good move on our part.

The reunion was fun. Caught up with people I never really thought I'd see again. I was fairly comfortable in my dress... and was very glad that I invested in some shapewear!

It was the guys in my class that had changed the most. Some of them I never would have recognized. Many were much balder, grayer and heavier. The girls had gotten older but were much more recognizable.

Now I'm trying to recover. I drank way too much - I can't remember the last time I drank three nights in a row! I didn't eat very well either. But that was to be expected. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

I HATE SHOPPING

I have less than 24 hours until my high school friends start arriving for the reunion. So I've been a busy little (ha!) girl trying to find something to wear. I've dragged my children around to a number of stores this week. I've bought two dresses, neither of which I love - one found at Lane Bryant (at the third Land Bryant I went to) and one at Macy's. I still might wear something I already have in my closet and just take those back. I've bought shapewear and a new black bra at Kohl's. And I plan to go out to one more mall when my husband gets home from work today.

I'm feeling very bad about myself. I wish I were twenty or thirty pounds lighter than I am. Why couldn't I have succeeded this spring with losing the weight I wanted to lose? I know that my friends will still love me. Although I wonder if they'll talk behind my back about how I've "let myself go." Hmmm... low self esteem, maybe?