My Fat Jeans Don't Fit

Losing Weight in the Summer is Hard

2010-06-14T16:32:00.002-04:00

Okay, who am I kidding? For me, losing weight at any time of the year is hard. But I'm finding that when warm weather comes, so does lots of social occasions. And lots of drinking. I obviously need to come up with some less caloric beverage choices - I think my sweet tea vodka and lemonade is not a good choice.

This weekend, we had a neighborhood party on Saturday with lots of food (and lots of desserts!) and lots of drinks. And Sunday, it was a friend's 40th birthday. Her husband rented a limo to take us girls to a winery. It was soooo fun!

So - what's your favorite not so high in calories beverage of choice? I'd love to get some ideas!

First Weigh-in of Summer Challenge

2010-06-02T16:22:00.004-04:00

I am ready for the challenge! I weighed myself yesterday (Tuesday) morning and here it is...

A bit depressing? Uh... yeah. AND I need a pedicure!

Summer Challenge 2010

2010-05-31T16:01:00.006-04:00

I'm joining a summer weight loss challenge. This time, it's Summer Challenge 2010 at No more CHUNKY DUNKING, time to skinny dip!.

The sad part is at this time last year, I was at 197. And that is about 5 pounds lighter than I am now. So nothing has really changed in a year. Well, technically that's not true. I gained 16 pounds past that 197 and then lost 11 of that. Up and down... that's my life.

Yesterday I tried on a pair of capris that I bought a year or so ago. I've never worn them and there's been times I've tried them on and couldn't get them past my hips. Yesterday, I got them on, up and buttoned. They weren't pretty (I could not wear them in public with the way they looked). So that's my number 1 goal for the end of the summer... to be able to wear those pants and not be embarassed with the way they look. It would be extra nice if they were a little big.

My other goals:

1 - Walk a 5K before the end of the challenge

2 - Get down into the 100's and stay there. No more 200's!

3 - This doesn't have anything to do with weightloss, but have fun with my kids this summer. I'm already dreading the "I'm bored, Mom! There's nothing to do!" I need to put together a list of things to do - fun, cheap things : ).

For some reason, I can't post the challenge logo... I'll try again later.

Back again...

2010-05-19T17:56:00.002-04:00

I hate that I have not kept up with this blog. I started it to help myself... to write my feelings... and I could have used it in the past couple of months.

Gall bladder is completely healed and I feel good about it. I mentioned to my husband today that it doesn't even feel real that it happened. It was just a blip in my life. I haven't had any problems, thank goodness.

My weight loss journey continues. Finally, this week I tracked my food. I have not tracked since my gall bladder attack back on March 5th. Shame, shame. But I'm at about the same weight as I was then, so at least I haven't gained it all back, which would have been very easy to do. And I'm ready to continue on my journey now and hopefully start to lose weight again.

Recovery

2010-03-28T18:45:00.003-04:00

My gall bladder came out on Thursday. It was successful and easy as far as surgeries go. I'm in a lot more pain than I thought I would be. I can't even imagine how horrible it would be to get this thing out the way they used to. Having it done laparoscopicly was bad enough. It's getting better every day, but I'm getting anxious about feeling like this. I can't lift anything; I can't sleep normally. It sucks.

Sabotage

2010-03-18T09:00:00.003-04:00

I don't know what it is - or why it is - but I am trying to self destruct. I have not tracked since my gall bladder attack nearly 2 weeks ago. I have been eating way too much cereal and cookies. And it shows. I weighed in last night. I was up THREE pounds. That's right... three (actually, a little over). I am appalled with myself. I am disgusted. I am ready to get back on the weight watcher train and lose this weight.

Now... why do I think I've been acting this way? Seriously, in the thing that I call my mind, I believe I am acting this way so that I don't lose weight too quickly. Being the hypochondriac that I am, losing weight too quickly may indicate that you are sick. I know, it makes no sense. But honestly, it does make a little sense to me in the little warped world that I live in.

But I've had enough. I am going to track like crazy this week. I am going to follow the plan to a tee. I am going to lose some of the three pounds that I gained this week.

On a side note, I saw a surgeon yesterday and will have my gall bladder out sometime in the next three weeks. I am terrified. Please send me some reassuring words.

Still Heading in the Right Direction

2010-03-11T09:00:00.003-05:00

I was amazed yesterday at weigh in to find out I had lost. "Only" .2 pounds, but I really thought this was going to be my first gain week. I had so much against me this week. I've been trying to be good, but hadn't tracked (at least written) since my ER visit on Saturday morning. And I figured with the medication, that might put me over. .2 - I'll take it. That puts me down 14.2 pounds in nine weeks. Slow and steady.

My doctor put me on predizone this week. I have some inflammation in my SI joint (basically, the joint that holds your tailbone to your hip) and aleve wasn't cutting it. I haven't been jittery or moody, which is sometimes a side effect, but I have been very restless at night. It's driving me crazy. I love to sleep and can't stand it when I can't do it. Hopefully this will be short lived.

Pain Like No Other

2010-03-07T15:11:00.004-05:00

Friday was a fun night. A bunch of friends from my neighborhood got together and went to dinner. We hung out, ate and drank a few beers. My family had to leave to go to my oldest's basketball game. We stopped by a neighbor's house on the way home and had a glass or two of wine. When we got home, my husband and I watched Survivor. Just a fun Friday night.

Until... I started having horrible pains in my chest at about 11pm. We went to bed and I figured the pain would go away (I know... not smart). I woke up at about 1am and the pain was still horrible. I woke my husband up and told him something was seriously wrong and he needed to take me to the ER. We called a friend to take the kids and headed over. When we walked in, I told them I was having some chest pains... that gets you seen very quickly. The nurse was asking me my symptoms and said that it sounded like my gall bladder. Hmmm... that's actually what I suspected. That's also what I suspected here, when my doctor diagnosed heartburn. And after experiencing what I did on Friday night, I can say that what I experienced in February 2009 was definitely the same thing. I also had it in December 2004 when I was pregnant with my daughter.

They took some blood, gave me a pain killer (which helped A LOT) and zofran for the nausea (zofran is a wonder drug - that's what I took when I was pregnant with my youngest when I threw up all the time) and did an ultrasound. And all of that confirmed... gall bladder disease. I'm going to make an appointment with a surgeon. The one I saw back in October. At that time, the tests I had had done did not point to anything wrong with my gall bladder, other than the stones I the ultrasound I had last spring showed. He told me that it was up to me whether to have it out or not. Back then, I told myself that I wouldn't do anything until I had an attack. I just never thought it would happen so quickly.

Cleanse Information

2010-03-07T10:37:00.004-05:00

I had a comment asking which cleanse I am trying. I am doing the Women’s Renew® Internal Cleansing System. The website is http://www.yerba.com/storefront/item.asp?id=78. I bought it at my local grocery store (in the natural foods section near the vitamins) and it was quite a bit cheaper than on this web site.

I did ask my doctor about it the other day. She thinks that cleanses are a bit pointless and you can get the same effects with more water and more fiber. I think doctors sometimes are not big on recommending things that are a little out of the ordinary. And I think cleases may fall in that category. So I'm going to keep doing it, at least for a few more weeks. I have more energy and feel like I am getting some toxins out of my body that have been there for a long time.

Cleanse

2010-03-05T09:10:00.002-05:00

Have you ever done an internal cleanse? After hearing a friend talk about it, I decided to do it. I bought the cleanse that she recommended and started it last Sunday. You take three to five fiber pills twice a day, plus two herbal pills twice a day. I feel better already. I have more energy and feel like I am getting rid of toxins that have been in my body for a long while. I also lost 2.8 pounds this week, so that's a huge bonus.

Dr. Oz's anti-cancer shopping list

2010-02-26T14:44:00.002-05:00

I tape (is it still called taping since I use the dvr?) Dr. Oz every day. And if you know me, you know that I'm a bit of a hypocondriac. Anyway, the other day Dr. Oz talked about food that can help prevent cancer, which is one of my biggest fears. You can find the shopping list here. I'm really going to make it a point to eat more of these foods. Will you join me?

Good Week

2010-02-26T14:27:00.002-05:00

At my Weight Watchers meeting on Wednesday, I had lost 2 pounds. Which brings my total to 11.2 pounds in 7 weeks. And that means that I lost 5%. Yippee!!! I am proud of myself, although I know that I have a long way to go. My new goal is to get under 200, which I should be able to do in the next week or so.

I've been going to a Zumba class for a few weeks and am really liking it. We have a fitness center in our community and they offer a Zumba class on Thursday nights. A few of my friends go and according to the teacher, we burn 400-500 calories with each workout. Last night, I also did a yoga class. That stuff is hard! But it felt good - really stretched out my back and my hips.

Carnie Wilson

2010-02-23T09:21:00.008-05:00

About a week or so ago, I was watching the Dr. Oz show and Carnie Wilson was on. She's heavy again and trying to lose weight - this time with the help of Dr. Oz and his people. I'm thinking to myself that yes, she does look heavy. She steps into the "truth tube" and it says she weighs 218 pounds. So, basically, she's my size. Yikes. That's about what I look like. Double yikes. That should give me the push I need!

I'm doing well with Weight Watchers. I'm down 9.2 pounds as of last Wednesday's weigh-in. Hopefully, I'll be down 10 pounds, which is also my 5%, at tomorrow's weigh in. I think I've done well this week. I've gone to the gym a couple of times and will work out tomorrow (LAST CHANCE WORKOUT!).

I went to Bunco last night at like most Bunco's with the group I'm in, the food was never ending. I did make some smart choices, but also some so-so ones. Although I did not go all out like I would have a couple of months ago. She did serve a delicious cake for dessert and I did have a piece of that. But I am paying for it today. My tummy is killing me! Not sure it was worth it...

I'm back... and getting back on the wagon

2010-01-18T14:18:00.003-05:00

It's me again! Where have I been for the past few months, you might wonder. I've been around. Doing things that were not making me a better person, a healthier person. But I'm sick and tired of living that life and am ready to live a better, healthier life.

They started a WW meeting right here in my neighborhood. No excuse not to participate. The meetings are Wednesday evenings. My husband is home for the kids. No excuses! I even have a few friends that have joined with me, so I have a support system. There is also a gym right here in my neighborhood. One that my way-to-high HOA monthly dues pay for. No excuses not to go.

The first meeting was Wednesday, January 6th. I stepped on the scale... 213 pounds. Yikes. That puts me up 24 pounds from my low back in March. On the bright side, though, it puts me down 9 pounds from my high back in August 2008. So I'm looking on the bright side. And I lost 5.2 pounds my first week, so I'm down to 207.8. Not bad for my first week.

One of my 2010 goals (not resolutions - I'm called them goals that I hope to be able to complete by 12/31/10) is to save money when it comes to food. We go out to eat WAY too much. Usually because I don't have food in the kitchen that is easy to make. No more. I'm shopping the ads and using coupons. A few of my new favorite sites are www.southernsavers.com and www.hotcouponworld.com. I've also found there are tons of coupons you can print off the internet... who knew? So far this week, I've spent about $110 on groceries, but saved $120. My goal is to save more than I spend. I'm lucky that I have 8 or so different grocery stores within about 10 miles. Makes it very easy to comparison shop. And as I stockpile my kitchen more, I will spend way less every week. It would be nice not to spend more than $150 on food every month.

Gall Bladder

2009-10-12T08:59:00.002-04:00

I'm going to meet with a surgeon today to talk about potentially taking my gall bladder out. The pain is fairly constant - not really painful at all times, but nagging. The pessimist in me wonders if it's something else and not my gall bladder. The optimist thinks I should get it out and go about my life. We shall see.

I am a nutjob

2009-09-28T22:32:00.002-04:00

My doctor, thank goodness, did not tell me that. She agreed that my side is a little swollen. She believes that the pain may be caused by some gall bladder issues that I have been experiencing. Luckily, I have a hepatobiliary scan tomorrow. Basically, they put some radioactive stuff in you through an IV and take images of your gall bladder and liver to see how it goes through them. Or something like that. It sounds a little uncomfortable - I have to lay still for quite a while. But hopefully I'll have some answers soon.

Anxiety

2009-09-28T11:06:00.002-04:00

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Mostly because I have decided that there's no doubt I'm a hypochondriac. It's definitely not something I'm proud of. I've been typing in symptoms I've been experiencing into google. Definitely not something I'd recommend. Because each thing that comes up is worse than the last. And most of the results point to cancer. CANCER. Now I've convinced myself that I have it. Even if there is only one of my symptoms that match, I know I have it.

I'm headed to the doctor later because I've had this pain in my side for a while and now it seems to be swollen. Cancer? Ugh!

I wish I could afford a full body scan - just to put my mind at ease. I'm sure it's not something that my insurance would pay for, but I wish it would.

This is no way to live. I cannot keep thinking that I may be dying. Please... someone talk me down!!!

New Approach

2009-09-16T09:28:00.006-04:00

I've decided to take a new approach with my journey. That approach is to concentrate on one good new habit at a time. My first good habit was to not bring soda into the house. If any of you have a horrible diet coke habit, as I do, you know how hard it is.

It's torture to walk past the display at the grocery store... the one that tells you that you can have three 12-packs of delicious diet coke for the bargain price of $10. But that's what I've done for the past 18 days. I've done this before with much success, but fell off the wagon this summer and started bringing soda back in the house. I decided that once we got back from vacation, I would end my soda addiction once again. So far, so good. I do allow myself soda when I am out. But seeing that we are trying not to spend money as much any more, we haven't been going out to eat quite as much as we have in the past. So my soda consumption is way down.

The next healthy habit that I am focusing on is water consumption. While not drinking soda, my water drinking has much improved. And that is what I'm trying to do now.

I have not been very good at exercising lately. My preschooler has finally started school again, so I will be doing something active during preschool today. I have not decided if I'm going to go to the gym or take a long walk outside. I'm leaning towards the outside walk - who knows how much more beautiful weather we will have.

Five Pounds

2009-09-07T18:35:00.004-04:00

That's about how much I gained on vacation... five pounds. It's no wonder - I did not think twice before putting things in my mouth and had quite a bit of alcohol to drink. It was to be expected.

So, officially, I'm down 18 pounds from where I was about a year ago. which is 13 pounds up from my lowest in March. Not the best situation, but certainly not the worst.

We took lots of photos on our trip. I was in many of them. You know how you have a picture in your head of what you look like? Well, it turns out the picture I have in my head of what I think I look like and what I actually look like in pictures is not the same thing. 200 pounds is not little, no matter what I've been telling myself. I have a long way to go.

Bad Blogger

2009-08-20T12:45:00.004-04:00

I've been having many thoughts about my journey down the weight loss trail and I'm just about ready to rededicate myself. We're headed out tomorrow for vacation and when I return, I will check back in.

Better Choices

2009-08-06T10:49:00.003-04:00

I took another super long walk last evening and when I got home I ate an apple instead of cookies or ice cream. Much better choice!

We're headed to my husband's 20th high school reunion tomorrow for the weekend. His parents no longer live in the town where he went to high school, so we're staying in a hotel. I wish we were going to a better place (like the beach or a fun big city!) for our weekend alone, but that's okay. I'm looking forward to hanging out with my husband with no responsibilities for a couple of days. And six hours in the car will give me time to talk to my hubby, catch up on some reading and maybe even get a nap!

Note to Self

2009-08-05T10:10:00.001-04:00

It is fantastic that you have taken three long (one hour plus) walks this week. However, it is not going to help you lose any weight if you continue to eat cookies and ice cream when you get home from these walks!

Post Reunion Weekend Follow-up

2009-07-27T13:17:00.004-04:00

What a blast my weekend was. I had so much fun catching up with my bestest high school friends. I'm the only one that lives close to where we went to school, so my house was our home base. Three of the girls came in on Thursday and stayed with me Thursday and Friday. We caught up with one more of the girls at the Happy Hour on Friday. I got my husband to hang out with us and drive us - I owe him big! Finally, the last of the girlfriends got in Saturday morning and we picked her up at the Metro and headed straight to the picnic at the high school. My husband also brought my kids so they could see where mommy went to school.

We had a tour of the school - it is in desperate need of renovation. It was pretty sad, actually. I'm glad that we now live in an area where my kids go to newer schools. The high school was built in the late 60's and hasn't had much updating done in the past 40 years.

After the picnic, we drove around to everyone's old houses (not even their parents still live in the area). We laughed a lot and told lots of old stories. Then headed to the hotel. We had gotten rooms where the reunion was held, which was a really good move on our part.

The reunion was fun. Caught up with people I never really thought I'd see again. I was fairly comfortable in my dress... and was very glad that I invested in some shapewear!

It was the guys in my class that had changed the most. Some of them I never would have recognized. Many were much balder, grayer and heavier. The girls had gotten older but were much more recognizable.

Now I'm trying to recover. I drank way too much - I can't remember the last time I drank three nights in a row! I didn't eat very well either. But that was to be expected. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

I HATE SHOPPING

2009-07-22T11:19:00.002-04:00

I have less than 24 hours until my high school friends start arriving for the reunion. So I've been a busy little (ha!) girl trying to find something to wear. I've dragged my children around to a number of stores this week. I've bought two dresses, neither of which I love - one found at Lane Bryant (at the third Land Bryant I went to) and one at Macy's. I still might wear something I already have in my closet and just take those back. I've bought shapewear and a new black bra at Kohl's. And I plan to go out to one more mall when my husband gets home from work today.

I'm feeling very bad about myself. I wish I were twenty or thirty pounds lighter than I am. Why couldn't I have succeeded this spring with losing the weight I wanted to lose? I know that my friends will still love me. Although I wonder if they'll talk behind my back about how I've "let myself go." Hmmm... low self esteem, maybe?

Why I don't buy good cereal.

2009-07-16T14:51:00.005-04:00

I love cereal. I could eat it for every meal. Which is why I don't buy it - at least not the kinds that I love. I usually buy generic grocery store brands for the kids. They don't seem to mind. I can taste the minor difference, so I don't eat it. Yesterday, we were at Target and they had cereal on sale. I let each kid pick out a box - the oldest picked Frosted Flakes. Which is my favorite. Again, we bought them yesterday. And now the box is gone.

That is why I don't buy good cereal.

A New Start

2009-07-07T10:56:00.004-04:00

According to the "rules" at Fabulous N Fit by Fall, I'm supposed to take a photo of my scale. So here you go...

There you go. There's that TWO number again. How depressing. But I'm going to change that - starting today.

I Can Do Better

2009-07-06T20:09:00.002-04:00

I completely failed at the 4th of July challenge. Completely failed. I weigh more than I did when I started the challenge. I have not had a productive couple of months. I had hoped to be down quite a bit and instead, I weigh what I did seven months ago. I have to admit to myself that I've gained 10 pounds back from my lowest weight (which was at the beginning of March).

I do believe, however, that I am ready to start again. I have been exercising at a semi-regular basis, but my eating has been in the toilet. I have been craving the most horrible foods and to make matters worse, I have been satisfying those cravings. I know that I need to step it up with my exercising and be better with my eating. I found a new challenge, Fabulous N Fit by Fall. I really hope to succeed at this one.

A Small Pity Party

2009-07-06T10:06:00.002-04:00

I got on the scale this morning and saw a number I haven't seen since December... SEVEN months ago. I feel like a huge failure - one that has wasted all this time doing nothing... again. All that holiday partying over the weekend certainly caught up to me. The good news is that instead of heading to the refrigerator, I went out back and walked a mile on the track.

What a weekend

2009-07-05T16:18:00.003-04:00

Two parties, lots of fireworks and an endless supply of food and beer. I'm feeling like I need to eat salad and drink water all this week.

My eating has been in the can, but I have been exercising a bit. I'm hoping to get out this evening for a quick walk. There is a school right behind my house so I can always go walk around the track, which is my plan today.

I have been enjoying Sparkpeople. But like WW, I need to be sure to track and I have a problem with that. But at least it's free.

Have you visited The Belly Project? Many of us women are a bit consumed with what people look like under their clothes. The summer leaves far less to the imagination. And here, you can see that you aren't the only one that does not have a perfect mid-section!

Hello Sparkpeople

2009-06-23T11:20:00.004-04:00

We all know that the economy is horrible right now. My husband and I are trying hard to watch every penny... especially since we just had to buy a new to us car, which results in a car payment. Because of this, I've decided to give up Weight Watchers. It hasn't really been working for me for the past few months. Which really means, I haven't really been MAKING it work for me. I haven't been keeping track of my points. I feel like I've been flushing the money I've been spending on it down the toilet.

I've decided to try something that is free... sparkpeople.com. I'm hoping it will help me jump start my diet again. I've kept track of my eating for the past two days and have also exercised.

Do you - or have you ever - used sparkpeople? Does it work for you?

All the Chocolate has been Eaten

2009-06-22T09:39:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty sure I've eaten all the chocolate in my house. So now it's gone and won't be replaced. My cravings were horrible yesterday. Why can't I have cravings for apples and peaches? Not me... chocolate was all I wanted. And then I felt awful after it was all gone in my belly.

This was not a good eating weekend. We had three parties to go to. Lots of drinking and eating not so good for you foods. I tried to control myself - at least I drank a lot less than I thought I would.

Class reunion is less than five weeks away. I'm not nearly the weight I hoped I would be, but at least I'm not near where I started. And really... who cares. No one is going to not talk to me because I don't look like I did in high school. Most likely, no one will look like they did in high school. I've become reacquainted with a girl I graduated with that lives in my neighborhood. She doesn't seem to care that I'm a bigger girl. In fact, she actually seems to like me and is glad to see me when she does. Two of my bestest girlfriends are coming in and staying at my house - I should probably focus more on cleaning my house and making sure they are comfortable! But... I think I can lose 10 pounds in the next five weeks, so that's what I'm going to focus on.

197???

2009-06-04T11:40:00.002-04:00

It's catching up to me. I have not been good about my eating or exercise for the past couple of MONTHS (ugh!) and thus far, I'd been doing okay. Up and down a couple of pounds. But when I got on the scale on Tuesday it showed 197. 197! That's only three pounds from 200 again! And I will not go back to that. So I've been very careful about my eating this week and have been exercising. Bootcamp on Tuesday (which I'm still sore from) and treadmill today. I'm also going to check out a different bootcamp tomorrow. It's closer to my house and a little cheaper, which is always good.

What happened to me losing 20 more pounds before my reunion in July? Now I'm seven weeks away. I guess it's possible for me to lose 20 pounds by then... but probably not probable.

Not as sore as I thought I'd be

2009-05-29T09:27:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning and discovered that I wasn't nearly as sore as I thought I'd be. I'm sore, that's for sure... but not sore enough not to try boot camp again. So I'll be going again on Tuesday.

A friend also told me about another boot camp that's much closer to where I live. I may go check it out next week when I'm kid-free. It's also a bit cheaper, which is always good.

Trying Something New

2009-05-28T13:55:00.003-04:00

I am still struggling with my eating... coming to the conclusion that I may ALWAYS struggle with my eating. Perhaps I need to focus more on exercising, which is something I haven't been doing very well on either. So today I went to a boot camp. It kicked my butt.. but I liked it. And I could bring my 4 year old with me, which was a plus. The workout was about an hour, which is more than I've exercised at one time in a very long while. I'm already a little sore, but that's to be expected. It was definitely an all over workout, meaning my entire body is going to be hurting tomorrow. I get to try three workouts for free, so I'm going to go back next week. And my 4 year old will be in camp, so I'll get to do it child-free.

I ended up having the endoscope last week. My doctor said that she didn't find anything. She is recommending I have my gall bladder out. That is most likely what is causing the pain in my right side. I have a follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks to discuss it further.

What is it going to take to get out of this holding pattern?

2009-05-11T17:32:00.003-04:00

I seem to be stuck. I haven't lost weight - about 2 months or so. Actually, I've gained back about 3 pounds. I have not tracked my points in weeks. Basically, I'm wasting my money by paying for my Weight Watchers online membership.

On a positive note... I've lost about 30 pounds. That's fantastic. I weigh less than I have in about 5 years. Again... fantastic. Perhaps I need to take this time for my body to adjust to this weight again. But I'm going to try really hard to back into it and lose some more weight this summer.

Pigging Out is No Way to Lose Weight

2009-04-27T16:53:00.003-04:00

Goodness... I've been eating everything in sight for the past couple of days. I'm using the ol' period excuse, but I really need to quit doing it. And to make matters worse, the heartburn is back with a vengeance. It's been awful. Time to bland the diet again... perhaps that will help me lose some weight. It's been too hot to walk the past couple of days. Hopefully it will cool down by mid-week - it's also supposed to rain which should wash some of the yellow pollen away.

This Weight Loss Stuff Is Hard!

2009-04-21T20:52:00.003-04:00

I'm on day 2 of being back on track. And I am starving. STARVING! I was starving this afternoon, but got through until dinner. Now it's almost 9:00pm and I'm hungry again. With only one point left. I guess I'll go have an apple.

On a positive note, I got out between rain storms today and got a walk in.

Time Wasted and My Crazy Mind

2009-04-21T11:00:00.005-04:00

I'm back. I've wasted a lot of time in the past month or so not losing weight. It's weird how my mind works sometimes. I stopped being good... really stopped losing weight. I am not dying... which is really what I thought was happening. Weight loss was a side effect of every disease that I diagnosed myself with... so in my crazy mind, I convinced myself that if I stopped losing weight, then I wasn't dying. Hmmm...

The good news.... my heartburn seems to have resolved itself. I've felt really good for the past few weeks. My GI appointment went well. The doctor wanted me to have an endoscope (where they put a camera down your throat and see what's going on), but I canceled since I've felt good. I'll reschedule if I have more problems.

More good news... during my "hiatus", I only gained back two pounds. It easily could have been 10 or 15, especially with all the Girl Scout cookies and Easter candy that have been in my house... and in my mouth.

The best news... I'm back to counting my points and exercising. The weather is getting nicer, so I can walk outside. I'm back on board and hope to continue to lose weight. I got the invitation to my class reunion in the mail yesterday and really hope to lose bit more before I go to that at the end of July.

Taking a Little Break

2009-03-19T14:00:00.002-04:00

I haven't been very good about keeping track of my eating lately. I'm hovering around 191, so I haven't gained or lost anything. I have been trying to keep my food pretty bland and plain. I've been having really horrible heartburn, as I talked about previously. I got a referral to a GI doctor and have an appointment on April 1st. My repeat blood tests came back normal, so that was very good. I was very stressed about them. Which was obvious when I burst out in tears after getting the results the other day from the nurse.

Reflux

2009-02-27T18:26:00.003-05:00

My doctor's appointment went well on Monday. I got a lot of blood tests done and have to go back in a couple of weeks for a repeat liver function test - numbers were a little elevated. The doctor said it's nothing to worry about, but of course I'm doing just that... lots of worrying. Google and webmd are NOT your friend!

I was back at the doctor today for horrible abdominal and back pain. Got diagnosed with reflux and got the little purple pill. Hopefully it will kick in soon. I'm pretty miserable right now. It's been lingering for a couple of weeks, but was really excruciating today.

Lost 2 more pounds as of today. Saw a number that I haven't seen in about 5 years. I know I weighed 192 when I got pregnant in April 2004... today was 191!

Chubby Chick's Fourth of July Challenge

2009-02-22T22:38:00.005-05:00

I found a new weight loss challenge to join and hope that it helps me be successful... Chubby Chick's Fourth of July Challenge. I've chosen a goal to lose 25 pounds by the 4th of July... that's a little more than 18 weeks away. I know that it IS possible... we'll see if I can do it. I have my 20th high school reunion at the end of July - that would be fantastic to lose 25 more pounds before then. That would put me at about the weight I was at my 10 year reunion in 1999. And I remember feeling very comfortable with myself back then.

I've fallen off the wagon with writing down my food lately - I vow to start doing so again tomorrow. I'm not sure what's going with the wheat thing. I decided yesterday to try to eat something with wheat in it (and I chose a girl scout cookie and a brownie - seriously not the best choices). The good news is that my stomach did not respond the way it was a couple of weeks ago. So that's good. I've eaten a few more items today that contain wheat with no problems. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it tomorrow and hopefully will start eating normally again soon. It's really thrown me for a loop. I have been scared to eat because of what my stomach might feel like. And then my stomach would hurt because I was starving. It was a horrible cycle that I was putting myself through.

Say a little prayer for me for my appointment tomorrow. Truthfully, I'm terrified. I have a horrible case of white coat syndrome - my blood pressure and pulse goes way up at the doctor. My worst fear is they are going to tell me that I am dying. I have no reason to believe that, but sometimes I am not very logical!

No Wheat for About a Week

2009-02-19T15:52:00.005-05:00

I never realized how much of our food has wheat in it. Pretty much EVERYTHING. Bread, baked goods (like girl scout cookies!), pasta, cereal... you name it. For about a week, I've been on a quest to eliminate wheat from my diet. And it's hard. Very hard. For the past several months, I've been eating toast for breakfast. There will be no more of that - at least not for a while. No sandwiches for lunch. Even the frozen meals from Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice - that have been staples in my diet recently - are out. No pasta for dinner.

I did find some yummy granola at Trader Joe's that I've been eating... no wheat. And Rice Krispies, which I love, don't contain wheat.

My stomach has been feeling better for the past several days... and that's a very good thing. I just hope that this is not a permanent thing. I don't want to have food issues. Actually, I already have food issues... those food issues made me overweight. I don't want to have MORE food issues. I am already annoyed by all of this.

Wish me luck at my doctor's appointment next week. I'm actually really nervous about it. She's a new doctor to me - recommended my a neighbor. I'm hoping that she has good bedside manor. I need someone who will be nice to me.

Is Wheat the Problem?

2009-02-14T19:24:00.003-05:00

I've been having some stomach pains lately after I eat. Really bad stomach pains that start about 5-15 minutes after I eat and stay for a couple of hours. I've been trying to keep track of what I've eaten when my tummy starts hurting and I've come to the conclusion that it's food that contains wheat. Breads, pasta, tortillas, baked goods... all those carbs that I absolutely LOVE! I've done some research and I think I may have developed a wheat intolerance. And it absolutely sucks! I've decided to lay off the wheat products for a week or so and see if my stomach issues go away. That's going to be really hard. But I'm up for a challenge. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have a doctors appointment in a week or so, so I'll talk to her about this too.

Does anyone else have an issue like this that they've dealt with? I'd love to hear about it!

The Big 10 Percent

2009-02-13T08:55:00.003-05:00

I had a very good week and lost 2 pounds. Which means that not only did I reach my personal Valentine's Day goal of 195... I also reached my 10% milestone with Weight Watchers. I am officially down 23.6 pounds on WW... and I'm really down 28.6 pounds from when I started on my own in August. That's big. That's a lot. I'm proud of myself. Although I have a ways to go. My new mini-goal is 175... 18 more pounds. I wonder if I can do it by the time the pool opens at the end of May.

I think it really helped that I worked out a record (for me) five times this week. Three outdoor walks and two trips to the gym. Especially since girl scout cookies came in this week and I am having a hard time avoiding them. Although I will tell you that I have not eaten an entire sleeve of thin mints as I have in years past. Four thin mints are four points... and that's plenty : ).

I have a doctor's appointment for a physical in a couple of weeks. I would like to tell her that I have recently lost 30 pounds. I haven't had a real physical in about 10 years... which I know is not good. But I'm taking control of my health now and making myself a priority... and that is a good thing.

It's been a while...

2009-02-11T13:40:00.004-05:00

It's been quite a while since I checked in with my blog. No real reason, really. I've been doing fairly well with my eating and working out. So far, I've worked out four times since Friday, which is great for me. It's been really nice here this week, so I've gotten in two outdoor walks. That's been a very nice change. We've had such a cold winter so far this winter, so a few days of spring preview has been great. I hope to get a long walk in with some friends tomorrow before winter comes back this weekend. They're even calling for a possiblity of snow on Saturday.

I'm almost to my 195 Valentine's goal... which is good since Saturday is Valentine's Day! I hope to be able to achieve it at my weigh on on Friday. I'm kicking myself a little since I really should be lower than where I am. It's a little sad when I read people's blogs and see they've lost 15 or more pounds since Christmas and I've only lost about 5. Oh well...

Thanks for the love... and an update

2009-01-24T15:13:00.003-05:00

Thanks for the comments... I really appreciate hearing from people that are or were in the same situation.

I have been counting points since Wednesday, so I feel like I'm back on track. And somehow, I lost 2.8 pounds for my weigh in on Friday. The body is a weird thing, isn't it? I'm not sure how I did it. I did exercise a couple of times during the week and wasn't eating too off course... I just wasn't writing anything down.

Yesterday, we ate lunch at Jason's Deli, which is new to my area. I ordered a potato (reduced portion - smaller than the regular portion) and when it came, I had a feeling it was probably a bad idea. I got home and looked it up... 28 points! Yikes! That's one more than my daily allotment. I had eaten a 4.5 point breakfast. Luckily, the potato did fill me up and I was not tempted to eat in the afternoon like I have been lately. I kept busy during the evening and ended up only having a clementine before bed. Not the best idea, but I was glad that I was able to not go nuts. I didn't want to use a lot of my weekly points since I have bunco on Monday and it's usually hard to each healthy during that.

I've Fallen...

2009-01-21T12:42:00.005-05:00

off the Weight Watchers Wagon... and I can't seem to get back on. I'm ashamed to say that I have not been good since the holidays, even though I promised myself weeks ago that I would start again. I cannot seem to track my points for a full day. I start off well in the morning, but by mid-afternoon, I'm searching my kitchen for something sweet to eat. And I'm finding and eating it. I'm mad at myself because I could have lost 5 more pounds (or more) by now.

So what is going on in my head? I've been thinking a lot about that and I'm not sure. I wish it was easy.... both physically and mentally. I know that I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to look good in my clothes - and feel good in them. So what is holding me back?

I have a friend who is heavy (well, I have lots of friends who are heavy, but this is just about one of them). Before I knew her, she had worked hard and lost 100 pounds. Then she had her children and her weight slowly came back on. A couple of years ago, she did it again... lost 100 pounds. She didn't do it the right way - she cut way back on calories and lost the weight in a short period of time (6-8 months). The last time I saw her, which was a couple of months ago, she was big again... bigger than I ever remember her being. This is one of the things that is going around in my head. If I don't lose the weight, then I won't gain it back. I won't have to be embarrassed and have people talk about me behind my back - much like I've heard people talk about my friend.

On the other hand... I cannot live like this anymore. I was not born this way and I don't want to die this way.

I'm thinking that I really need some encouragement. I know that you don't know me, but I'd love to hear something from you (yes... you!). Can you share a story with me - a story of how you overcame the obstacle that I can't seem to get over? Thank you.

What I Want Right Now...

2009-01-07T20:10:00.002-05:00

is chocolate. What I'm going to have is a clementine. Maybe even two.

Back in the Saddle

2009-01-06T14:48:00.012-05:00

I did not start the year off very well. I broke quite a few of those resolutions that I wrote about. But I am not going to dwell on that. Instead, I am going to be happy that I started back on plan today. I'm writing down my food and keeping track of my points. And I went to the gym today during preschool and had a good workout.

For lunch I had the Roasted Garlic Chicken from Lean Cuisine - only four points. I really like Lean Cuisine meals - they are my favorite of the diet frozen meals. The spinach side dish is yummy! My favorite is the Rosemary Chicken, although I have a hard time finding it.

New Year's Questionnaire

2009-01-05T14:56:00.008-05:00

Finding Radiance posted a little new year's questionnaire and I thought I'd answer it too...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Lost 25 pounds (technically, I've done that before... but not for years)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did pretty well with not bringing soda into the house. I listed my 2009 ones in the post below.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I had a niece born this summer.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Luckily, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Did not go outside of the USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A trip alone with my husband.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 28th - when I decided I'd had enough and started tracking my points with WW.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing something for myself and putting myself first - something I have a hard time doing.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Spending way more money than we brought in.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A wii

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My 8 year old ran a 5K and my 3 year old started enjoying preschool.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Some of the politicians as they campaigned.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Into the mortgage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Having a little time to myself when my little one started preschool.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Kid Rock's "All Summer Long"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? The same
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner by 25 pounds
c) richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Still in love with my husband.

22. What was your favorite TV show?
Lost, Top Chef, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No... actually, maybe one of my neighbors that I had words with. Although I don't think it's really hate - just strong dislike.

24. What was the best book you read?
Twilight

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
???

26. What did you want and get?
Too many things to list.

27. What did you want and not get?
A lottery win (guess it would help to play!).

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
None come to mind.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37. Can't remember exactly what I did.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had won a bunch of money.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
A year of not fitting into the clothes in my closet and doing something about it instead of shopping for bigger sizes.

32. What kept you sane?
My family, although they drive me insane some of the time

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Obama

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The whole election.

35. Who did you miss?
My sister, who lives too far away

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
The only person that is going to change anything for me is me.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
???

Three Pound Holiday Season

2009-01-02T16:11:00.006-05:00

I got on the scale today and it became official... I gained 2.8 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I haven't tracked my points since the Friday before Christmas and it showed. Although, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I figured it would be at least 5 pounds. And I'm still at the 200 mark, which was my Christmas goal. However, gaining those 3 pounds made me think how quickly and easily it would be for me to gain all the weight I have lost in the past three months. And I'll bet it would take far less than three months to come back on.

I've read a lot about resolutions on other blogs and have been thinking about mine.

1. Make my WW 10% by Valentine's Day. My 10% is 195, so with my little gain, I need to lose 5 more pounds. Totally doable in the six weeks before February 14th.

2. Stay off the soda. For New Year's 2008, I vowed not to bring soda into the house. And for the most part, I was successful in keeping that resolution. I do allow myself soda when I am out and at other people's houses.

3. Exercise more. Go to the gym at least once during preschool time per week.

4. Pay down debt.

5. Plan meals more and eat out less. That will help to stay on plan and to save money.

Happy New Year!

Points Counting Break

2008-12-23T15:07:00.002-05:00

I know it's not good, but I haven't tracked my points in five days. I don't think I've been too bad, but I know I'm most likely going over my points. I have weighed myself every day and am on track of where I should be. Not like I've gone completely crazy and gained five pounds. I'm going to figure out my points today and will hopefully do that same tomorrow. Christmas will be hard and so will the following days while we travel out of state to my in-laws.

But I'm still here... still trying to watch what I eat. And I promise myself that I will get back on the wagon.

Merry Christmas to all!

Note to Self

2008-12-19T06:49:00.003-05:00

When you eat the way you used to, you will get a tummy ache. You will not feel well and it will not be pretty.

A Hard Weekend with Eating

2008-12-16T08:57:00.004-05:00

I went out both Friday and Saturday nights this weekend. And some of the activities while going out centered around food. And I did not make the best choices. Although when I look back to it I see that I could have done much worse.

On Friday, I got together with some girlfriends. We went to dinner - I had fish and chips. Chips meaning fries. And I ate the whole thing. The movies were our next stop. We saw "Four Christmases", which I really enjoyed. It was short (like 80 minutes) and I wasn't really happy about spending $10 for the movie. Really... $10? When did movies go up to $10? I obviously haven't gone to a movie at night in a long time. The good news is that I didn't have any snacks at the movies. After spending $10 for the ticket, I wasn't spending any more money. And I was stuffed from dinner. After the movies, it was on to Bonefish for drinks. I had a delicious mojito - mmmmmm.... And no dessert for me!

On Saturday, the family went into the city to see it's Christmas tree with some friends. Then out to dinner. Unfortunately, the "restaurant" was really more of a bar and there wasn't much on the menu that was good for you. I ended up having french onion soup (which was sooo good) and ate some of my daughter's turkey club (just ate some of the turkey). What did me in, though, was the two ciders I had. And I happened to glance at the label when I was almost finished with the second one... 200 calories. Yikes!

So when I weighed myself on Sunday (yes, I still need to work on not weighing myself every day), it said 202. The positive is that today, it was back down to 199. So that's good. I need to work some to lose a little more this week. I'd like a bigger cushion between my current weight and 200. And I have two (yes, two!) cookie exchanges this week. I plan, though, to bring the cookies home and stick them right into the freezer until I take them out when we have people here for Christmas.

New Decade... New Century

2008-12-12T10:15:00.002-05:00

Okay... I'm going to admit my weight. I feel comfortable, because really, no one who reads this knows who I am. Are you ready for it... I now weigh 199.2 pounds. That's right... I'm out of the 200's. So there. And let me tell you, I never thought I would be so happy to weigh 199 pounds.

My Christmas goal was to weigh less than 200 pounds. And I've done it, thank you very much. Now my Christmas goal is to still weigh less than 200 pounds on Christmas. Then I'll come up with a new goal to work towards after the holidays.

A little recent weight history... I've weighed more than 200 since at least 2006. I weighed 192 when I got pregnant in April 2004 (which, by the way, was what I weighed when I gave birth the first time). When I gave birth nine months later, I weighed 212. Which was the heaviest I'd ever been. I lost quite a bit of that weight soon after giving birth - I imagine I was down in the 190's by March or April. I don't remember the weight creeping back on, but I know it did. I went for a check up in November 2006 and weighed 207. And my doctor told me that I really needed to lose weight. But I didn't. Instead, I gained about 15 pounds in the next 22 months. And then my highest weight ever was 222... which is what I weighed in August of this year when I decided I needed to do something about it. I lost 5 pounds over about 7 weeks or so before I joined Weight Watchers. And now I've lost almost 18 pounds on WW.

I did manage to exercise more this week than last. I went to the gym during both preschool days and walked on the treadmill. Actually, yesterday I even ran a little. It was only three minutes out of thirty, but it's a start. I've also walked a lot doing more Christmas shopping (will it ever end???).

Uh okay...

2008-12-12T08:17:00.004-05:00

I just plugged in my weight info in the online Weight Watcher and got this message...

"Please note: You're probably excited to be losing weight, but you're losing faster than is recommended. Although it's normal to lose over 2 lbs in 1 week, if you lose more than an average of 2 lbs per week over a 4-week period, this could pose health risks, such as heart irregularities, anemia or loss of muscle mass. Please slow your weight loss; your doctor can help you do this if you're not sure how."

Hmmm. I'm not losing more than 2 lbs per week. My weight loss over the past 4 weeks has been high 1's pretty much. Three weeks ago, I didn't weigh (Thanksgiving) and five weeks ago, I did lose 2.4. I thought I was doing well. Do I need to be worried that I'm losing too much? It's not like I'm bringing in Biggest Loser numbers.

I Feel Sick

2008-12-09T20:23:00.002-05:00

Tonight I took the girls to the Christmas party at my grandmother's senior apartment complex. There was lots of food and I ate way too much of it. And now my stomach is killing me - I've already been into the Tums. I went in thinking that I would be pretty good, but I wasn't. The only way I could have really been good was not to eat anything - there wasn't really much that was good for you. Luckily, I did get a trip to the gym in earlier today and I hadn't used many points before the party.

On a positive note... I have been fitting into clothes that haven't fit in quite a while. My husband gave me pjs that I couldn't even get past my hips last year - I'm wearing them right now. My wardrobe has expanded without me having to buy anything... all things that have been in my closet which I haven't been able to wear for the past couple of years.

A Little Closer

2008-12-05T09:29:00.004-05:00

I'm down 1.6 pounds this week. That puts me a little closer to my Christmas goal. In fact, it makes it so I have one more pound before I reach my goal. And I'm confident that I will lose that one pound in the next three weeks. I know it's going to be a little harder this month than it would be other times of the year.

I mentioned to my husband yesterday that I wish I had more time to exercise. My husband works a second job during this time of year (don't feel sorry for him... it's his choice and he loves it. It's not for the money) so he doesn't get home at night until a lot later than usual. And with a 3 year old, I don't get a lot of alone time to do what I want by myself. I do get preschool time, but that's only six hours a week. And lately, I've been using that time to Christmas shop by myself. I guess I do get a little exercise by walking around all those stores... although not enough to get my heart rate up.

Okay... so I'm full of excuses. I'm going to make it my goal to exercise more this week than I did last week. Shouldn't be too hard since I only exercised once.

I've been reading on a couple of blogs that Weight Watchers is launching a new plan this week. Can't wait to hear more about it. I am having some problems with the WW web site - it's not saving my Plan Manager. Anyone else having the same problem?

Back on Track After a Short Break

2008-11-30T08:24:00.006-05:00

I was a little worried about Thanksgiving and it turns out I needed to be. I had decided in advance not to track points that day, but to be careful with my eating. I did not want to deprive myself or drive myself crazy. I did not go too overboard. I took small servings of the Thanksgiving foods that I love and did not go back for seconds. I did eat way too much of the brie appetizer that was made. I also had a small piece of cake and a small piece of pie.

My sister-in-law told us that she had heard that the average person eats 4,800 calories on Thanksgiving. I do not think I did that. We did walk in the turkey trot on Thanksgiving, so I did get some exercise before eating all that food!

Unfortunately for me, my not keeping track of points on Thursday turned into not keeping track of points on Friday... or Saturday. I did not go crazy on either of those days, but I know I ate more than I should have. I had Thanksgiving leftovers for lunch and dinner on Friday (including dessert) and we had dinner out on Saturday.

I am back on track now. I will be counting my points daily again. I also decided not to weigh in this week. My weigh in day is Friday and I thought for my mental health, I shouldn't weigh myself the day after Thanksgiving. I'll be working hard the rest of the week to have a decent number on the scale this week.

Weigh-in and Thoughts on Thanksgiving

2008-11-21T11:04:00.003-05:00

I'm down 1.8 pounds this week. That was a bit of a surprise since I didn't think I did very well, especially since there wasn't much exercising or fruit/veggie eating this week. I did stay within my points every day but one and didn't eat hardly any of my weekly points. So it's all good! I'm 2.6 pounds away from my Christmas goal. I'm not sure if that's going to happen this week - I'm being realistic.

Thanksgiving is going to be hard. It's one of my favorite days of the year. A lot of my very favorite foods... and lots of it. I did tell my mom that I'd like to make some of the dishes a little on the lighter side this year. I mentioned making carrots. She said "We could make Grandma's buttered carrots." Not quite what I had in mind. I'm going to do my very best and not beat myself up about what I eat.

A good thing that we are doing on Thanksgiving... a Turkey Trot. My husband and brother-in-law are going to run the 5K. My sister, brother, sister-in-law and I, along with the kids (most of them in strollers) are walking the 2 mile "fun walk." Although I've seen the weather forecast for that day - not sure how fun it's going to be walking 2 miles in the freezing cold. But we'll just make sure we're dressed for the weather and I'll earn some activity points before the big meal!

How do you hold yourself accountable?

2008-11-19T14:45:00.003-05:00

I was talking to a friend this morning and that is what she asked me. We were talking about WW online, which is the program I'm using to lose weight right now. My answer was "I just do." She said that she would probably cheat. I told her if I had tried this six months ago, I may have failed. I was not ready then... I was ready on September 25th when I started. If I cheated, I would only be cheating myself. I have been being honest with myself and tracking all of my points... even when I ate 61 points in one day.

I have so far to go. But I am proud of the fact that I weigh less now than I have in at least two years. And 15 pounds from now, I'll be less than I've been in at least four and a half years.

I have noticed things in my head changing. I have been doing far less eating without thinking. There were donut holes when I was today. I did not eat any. There was coffee cake where I was yesterday. Again, none for me. Two months ago, I would have chowed down without even thinking twice about it.

I didn't get an official work out done yesterday during preschool. Instead, I went Christmas shopping. But that was a lot of walking. I walked over 7,000 steps yesterday - which is about what is on my pedometer on the days where I walk for 30 minutes.

Yikes... not the best choice!

2008-11-17T18:46:00.004-05:00

I went to Pei Wei for dinner this evening. I just looked online for their nutritional info (which you can find at www.peiwei.com. Click "menu", then "nutritional information"). I had the Mongolian Beef for dinner, which, evidently, was not the best choice. Especially since I ate the whole thing. And it's supposed to be 2 servings. Whoops. That's 20 points. Good thing I hadn't had much to eat today - and I exercised, which gave me a few activity points. Yikes. Just shows you how bad things can go if you don't plan them. I should have checked the site BEFORE I went to eat there! I'll know better next time! I really should have had that salad I thought about - that would have only been 13 points for the whole thing.

So I still went over today (by 7 points) and, again, I didn't eat any fruits or vegetables. I really need to get my shit together and start eating the 4-5 recommended fruits and veggies I'm supposed to eat every day. That's something I'll start working on tomorrow!

Binging through the weekend

2008-11-17T16:09:00.005-05:00

First a success... I did keep track of my points this weekend - and I stayed within my allotment. That said, I did not eat well. I did not have a single fruit or veggie on Sunday and the only one on Saturday was the veggies in the soup I had for lunch. I have been doing quite well staying on plan and have been getting good results. I can't quite understand how though because I'm not eating the way I should be and I know it.

Last night, I was craving cereal. I LOVE cereal. Not good for you cereal, but cereal like Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms. I decided to have a big bowl of Captain Crunch w/ Crunch Berries. I have only had one other bowl since I started WW. And when I have a bowl of cereal, it's not the 3/4 cup serving size recommended on the box. It's a big bowl - probably 2 - 2-1/2 cups of cereal. I did have the points to use, though, so it wasn't all bad. It's good to think about the fact I've only had two bowls of cereal in the past seven weeks... this used to be a daily occurrence (sometimes more than once a day!).

It's been quite cold here (they're calling for some snow tonight), so I'm having a hard time getting my walking in. I don't want to take my three year old out in the stroller (she'd complain the whole time anyway) and my husband is getting home well after dark from work. We have a gym in our neighborhood and I have used it twice in the past five days. I'm hoping to motivate myself to go during preschool time so I can at least get in two walks a week.

Recipe - Chicken Apple Chili

2008-11-14T12:56:00.001-05:00

I can't remember which blog I found the recipe for Creamy Chicken Apple Chili, but I made it last night and it was delicious!

I modified it a bit (I used way less butter and oil than the recipe called for). I used chicken breasts and cooked them in the crock pot all day and shredded them (so no olive oil for that). I only used 1 tbsp of olive oil for the onion and apples. I used 2 tbsp of butter instead of 4. I also only used one can of cannelini beans instead of 2 (only because that's what I had in the pantry). When I added it all up, it was only 5 points for a one cup serving.

Even my kids liked it. So that's a success. And there's some left over, so I'm going to have some for lunch.

If you are the one that originally posted the recipe - thank you! Leave me a comment and I'll give you the kudos you deserve!

Friday Weigh-In

2008-11-14T12:39:00.004-05:00

Remarkably, I lost 2.2 pounds this week. This after my 61 point binge last Friday. Thank you for the kind comments by the way - they really helped me put things into perspective. I used 33 of my weekly points that day and am proud to say I didn't use any others during the rest of the week. I'm down 12.6 pounds since 9/25/08. My total loss is 17.6 since the beginning of August.

I had hoped to be a certain number by Christmas and that number is only 4.4 pounds away. I know that's totally doable - perhaps even by the end of this month. And then I'll have to think of a new goal. It would be really awesome if I could lose another 9.4 pounds by the end of the year - that will put me at 10% since I started Weight Watchers. I am going to work very hard to achieve that. But I also know if I don't do it by New Years, I will do it soon afterward.

Nutritional Information

2008-11-12T20:35:00.005-05:00

Like a lot of people, I eat out way too much. We've been trying to limit it due to our budget, but sometimes it's so much easier to eat out. Restaurants have come so far when it comes to giving us nutritional information. It's so much easier now to look up information on the restaurant's web site and figure out my points.

For lunch today, I ate at Potbelly. Not only do they have nutritional information, it's all interactive on their web site. You can click on the different aspects of the sandwich you ate - it gives you all the information you need to figure out your points. To get to the nutritional info, click on "Our Food" and then "nutritional information." I had 1/2 of a turkey sandwich (4 points) and a cup of garden veggie soup (1 point).

For dinner tonight, we met some friends at Moe's. Yummy. I usually get a kid's meal (it's really enough food), which is what I did today. I had the Moo Moo Mr. Cow, which is their kid's burrito and it was 8 points. I could have reduced the points by having no cheese or tortilla, but I had the points to use today so I had it the way I like it. Their web site nutritional information is the same as Potbelly - all interactive. Here's the link that goes directly to their nutritional info. And it even has the info for desserts, so I knew the cookie was "only" 4 points and since I had points to use, I ate it and it was delicious!

Ruby

2008-11-10T20:46:00.003-05:00

Did you catch this new show on the Style Network last night? It's about a woman named Ruby that lives in Savannah, Georgia and weighs close to 500 pounds. She's beautiful, friendly and funny and I really liked her. I hope that she succeeds in her journey to get healthy. I've already set my dvr for next week.

61 Points

2008-11-08T20:28:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I ate like I would have before I joined Weight Watchers. I had my normal breakfast, had a sandwich for lunch (an 11 point sandwich) and pizza and wine for dinner. When I added up the points I ate, the total was 61 points. SIXTY-ONE Freaking Points. Holy Moly. It's no wonder I've gained 14 pounds in 18 months (and more than 30 pounds in about 3-1/2 years... yikes, that's painful to write!).

Weigh-In Friday

2008-11-07T14:22:00.008-05:00

I was very pleased this morning to see that I lost 1.8 pounds this week. My total WW loss is 10.2 since September 25 - six weeks ago. That brings my total loss since August to 16 pounds. I have a personal goal to lose 6 more pounds by the end of the year, which is completely doable.

Two years ago, during my yearly exam, I weighed one pound more than I do now. My doctor told me that I needed to lose some weight. I responded to that by gaining 15 pounds in about 18 months. Not good. But now I've lost those 15 pounds and will hopefully continue to lose.

My fat jeans are starting to get quite baggy. I tried on the size down (I have quite a collection of jeans in three or four different sizes) and I can get them up over my hips, but I cannot button them. Maybe in a couple of weeks.

I had bought two pairs of capris in the spring in a size lower than I wear - a little hopeful thinking, I believe. I don't like to try clothes on in the store, so I bought them and brought them home. Of course, they didn't fit AT ALL, but I kept them. Well, I put them on today and could button them. They don't look great - they are a little tight (my 3 year old asked me if I was wearing leggings). But they were on. I'm going to work towards them looking great in the spring. Or maybe they'll be way too big.

Something I Never Thought I'd Do

2008-11-06T20:54:00.003-05:00

I've been craving a plain Hershey's bar since Halloween. I was going through my daughter's candy yesterday, sorting and getting rid of stuff, and I came across a Hershey's bar. Yum. I set it aside to eat today. I just opened it. It's NOT a plain Hershey's bar. It's white chocolate... if I'd looked closer, I would have seen that it says "Cookies'n'Creme". Shucks. Two months ago, I would have said "Oh well" and eaten it anyway. Not now. White chocolate is so not worth the points to me.

That's progress! Baby steps, right?

An idea from another blogger

2008-11-06T20:01:00.004-05:00

Now that I'm a blogger, I spend a lot of time (way more than I should!) checking out other blogs. I came across this post on this blog about creating a list of things that you want to do in a certain amount of time. This blogger chose 65 things in 365 days. The person that inspired her made a list of 101 things she wants to do in 1001 days. I'm really going to think about things and come up with my list. I'm not sure how many things or how many days... although I'm thinking about having my birthday be the deadline. Stay tuned...

I've had a pretty good week, I think. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow. I cheated a bit and stood on the scale this morning and was pleased with the number so I'm hoping for a good result. Which would be amazing considering the weekend I had with Halloween and a party (and on both days I consumed quite a bit of beer). But I have been very honest with myself and kept track of my points. I've also been trying very hard to drink lots of water. And I even took a walk today (with my whiney three old) when I really did not want to.

I'll check in tomorrow with my weigh-in result.

GO VOTE!!!

2008-11-04T10:47:00.003-05:00

I don't care who has your vote, but please go do your American duty and vote. I'm happy to say that I've voted in every election since I was 18. This will be the fifth Presidential election that I'm voting in. So far, I'm 2 for 2. This year is the tie breaker.

A New Day

2008-11-03T13:13:00.004-05:00

It's been nearly a year since I started this blog with this post. A year. If I had actually been dedicated back then, I could have lost 50 or more pounds by now. But I spent the eight or so months after that post making excuses for why I didn't need to change my ways.

But now I'm dedicated to seeing this journey through. I will admit that I did not have the best weekend as far as eating. It was hard. We had Halloween on Friday and a party on Saturday. My kids stayed with my parents and my mom sent home the cookies they had frosted. And I've been eating the candy and the cookies. But I'm also counting my points. Granted I've gone over for the past two days, but that just means I need to be careful for the rest of the week. In the past, my "diet" probably would have been over by now. I would tell myself that I had blown it already, so why not forget about it?

But not this time. I will not do that to myself again. Today is a new day.

I Survived Halloween

2008-10-31T22:32:00.006-04:00

I sit here looking at the two huge mounds of Hallween candy on my family room floor from my girl's trick-or-treat bags. I just counted up all my points for the evening and thought I'd done well - and then I remember the four beers that I drank tonight. Oops. That added eight points. When all is said and done, I didn't do too bad today - only went over my daily allotment by 5. And since I weighed in today, my weekly points went back to 35, so I had those to work with.

When I was looking for points info to figure out the candy I ate, I found this great site that listed a lot of Halloween candy and their points values. I had eaten two pieces - a Reese's Peanut Cup (2 points) and a package of milk duds (1 point). Not bad considering how much candy is sitting here in front of me.

I mentioned I weighed in today - with a loss of 1.8 pounds. That makes my total on WW 8.4 pounds and my grand total of almost 14 pounds. Go me! My point allotment went down by one point today. Hopefully that won't make much of a difference.

Now I just need to get through the weekend. We are going to a Halloween party tomorrow evening and hopefully there will be some good food for me to eat there. I usually send most of the candy to work with my husband and that won't happen until Monday, so I have to get through 2 more days.

My Kettle Bell Kicked My Ass

2008-10-29T10:39:00.006-04:00

I was feeling very motivated yesterday during preschool time, which is pretty much the only daytime alone time I get all week. I thought about taking a walk or going to the gym in my community. Instead, I thought I'd workout with my kettle bell.

I can't remember when I bought the kettle bell. I think it was early in the spring, so at least six months ago. I had been watching a marathon of the British version of The Biggest Loser and the trainer used kettle bells for the workout. I ran right out and bought one - and it's been sitting in the box in the corner of my family room every since.

So yesterday I decided to try the kettle bell. It came with a DVD, so I popped it into the DVD player and got ready for my workout. The DVD ended up just showing you how to do the exercises. I did them. No big deal. I had bought a pretty light kettle bell - "only" 10 pounds. The nice lady on the DVD (with the very skinny body and huge muscles) talked about how your lower back shouldn't be hurting if you are doing the exercises right. My lower back did not hurt. I did lots of squats with the kettle bell. Okay... a fit person wouldn't consider it a lot, but for me, 20 is a lot.

Last night, my legs hurt a bit. I took a long, hot bath and felt pretty good. This morning, though, my legs and back are killing me. I'm sitting with the heating pad on my back as I type this. I'm probably going to have to go take another hot bath. I'm pretty sure the kettle bell was used as a torture device back in the middle ages.

But... I did walk/run on the treadmill this morning. I did some stretches and do feel a little better since I exercised. And you read it right... I ran. I walked for 3 minutes, then ran for one minute. I know it's not much, but it's a big deal for me. I hope to be able to start running on a more regular basis. My husband has been running regularly for a couple of months and has lost quite a bit of weight. I'd like to lose 10-20 more pounds, though, before I run outside where people can see me.

How Much Can You Blame on Your Parents

2008-10-27T15:30:00.004-04:00

I'm not one to think about how much my childhood or my parents screwed up my life. I had a pretty good childhood and I have lots of fun memories from those years. When people blame their childhood for their adult problems, I think they should pretty much get over it. Of course, there are definitely circumstances where your childhood can screw you up, but I'd like to think that most people had pretty good childhoods.

Anyway... where I am going with this. My parents. My parents are both overweight. Not morbidly obese, but overweight nonetheless. And on top of that, they have some health conditions that are not helped because of being overweight. They both have high blood pressure and cholesterol issues. And my dad has adult onset diabetes. My dad definitely does not take care of himself. He's had a heart attack because of his diabetes and still that didn't change the way he treats his body. He sneaks food. And that amazes me, that a man in his mid-60's would sneak food. So much so that I try to hide any candy or cookies I have in my house when he comes over.

I want my girls to see me change the way I eat and take care of my body. I don't remember seeing my parents exercise. I do remember them dieting. My dad did the cabbage soup diet and the Richard Simmons Deal-a-Meal. He was able to drop 20 pounds fairly quickly... but would then gain it back, plus more. He's still able to do that, but it takes longer and he gains more back. My mom did Weight Watchers. I also remember her, about a year before she was turning 50, saying she didn't want to go into her 50's being fat. Yet, she did nothing to change it.

So I'm trying to change things. When I look at my parents, I see my future. And as much as I love my parents, that's not the future that I want to live.

Thank Goodness for Points Counting

2008-10-26T09:34:00.003-04:00

I have not made the best food choices in the past two days. On Friday, I went to Chick-Fil-A (my favorite fast food place!) for lunch. One sandwich and fry order later, I had eaten way more than half my daily points. But I knew that so I made some good choices for dinner (leftover chicken chili - only 3 points for one cup). Yesterday, I went to a birthday party in the afternoon and ate pizza and cake, then helped with a Haunted House in the evening and had a cookie and some candy.

So in the past two days, I have had zero fruits and veggies. Not the best choices... but I did stay within my points. In the past, I would have eaten way more cookies and candy - as well as whatever was around. So that's progress.

Slow and Steady

2008-10-24T15:07:00.003-04:00

I weighed this morning and am down a pound from last week. I thought that it would have been more, but it wasn't. I did get my period this week, so perhaps that had something to do with it. I had stepped on the scale on Tuesday and was down more than I was today (I'm still working on not weighing myself more than once a week). So, it was a bit disappointing. But... I've lost 6.6 pounds in four weeks. During that same time period, I could have gained 5-10 pounds (I've done that before), so I'm quite happy to be losing instead of gaining. I do have a bit of a challenge in the next couple of weeks with Halloween, but I'm going to do my very best to keep within my points allotment. No cheating for me this year. I have faith that I CAN do it! My plan is to send most of the candy into work with my husband. If it's not in the house, I won't eat it.

Do I need to change the way I eat?

2008-10-23T17:01:00.007-04:00

So far, I'm doing really well with keeping track of my points and making sure that I eat only my allotted daily points. There have been days that I've gone a bit over, but I also get 35 weekly points to do with as I want. There are days that I still have quite a few points left over after dinner. I've been enjoying popcorn almost every night - a snack size bag of 94% fat free popcorn is only 2 points. But I've also been eating things that I know I probably shouldn't. Like mini moonpies (3 points) and little bags of mini m&m's (2 points). And I know that's the kind of food that got me where I am.

But I didn't get fat eating one moon pie. The "old" me would eat three or four of them in one day. Now, I'm eating one and being satisfied by it. Which is a good sign, I think.

There's part of me that knows I probably shouldn't be eating those things at all. I should stick to fruits and veggies and whole grains. I need to find a happy medium. Is it okay to eat things that I know are not good for me as long as I limit the quantities?. I know that I'll want those things so much more if they are not allowed. My thin friends eat junk food, I know that. They just know when to stop. That's something that I'm trying to learn for myself - I've never known when to stop. And that's a big thing that I'm working on.

New Workout pants

2008-10-19T12:35:00.004-04:00

I've been needing to get some new workout pants. I usually wear my husband's old basketball short, but with it getting chilly, I needed some pants. I have leggings (which I hate to wear) - I wanted something comfy and a little more hip. I looked at my Kohl's and they didn't have much in big girl sizes.

I found these at Target. They were only $14.99 when I bought them. According to the Target web site, they're on sale this week for $9.99 - I need to try to find my receipt and get the price adjusted. $5 is a lot of money these days. They're super comfy and big. And they fit my short frame (they don't drag on the ground like some pants do).

Bunco Tonight

2008-10-17T17:10:00.003-04:00

I'm going to play Bunco tonight with some friends. And along with Bunco... lots of food and wine. I'm going to try to keep control of myself, but it's so hard. This is one reason I made Fridays my weigh-in day. If I do get out of control on the weekend, I have the whole week to make up for it. And I took a very long walk this morning - one worth 6 activity points, so I do have a lot to work with.

Friday weigh-in

2008-10-17T16:47:00.009-04:00

Some good news... I lost 1.4 pounds this week. With my gain last week, that puts me down 5.4 pounds since I started Weight Watchers three weeks ago. Not bad. My personal goal was to lose 10 pounds by Halloween. Not sure if I'll do that... perhaps by Veteran's Day.

One thing I love about autumn is apples. They are very inexpensive this time of year and around here, we have a bunch of apple orchards where you can go pick your own. We're thinking about doing that on Sunday. Anyway, apples are only 1 point on the WW scale - I've been eating at least one a day. They'd be even better in a pie or crisp... but I'll just stick to the apples for now. Although I'm sure I can find a WW friendly apple pie-like recipe. Anyone have one?

The past two years, I've bought Halloween shirts on clearance at Old Navy. Is it just me or are Old Navy clothes just not cut right for bigger girls? It's depressing. And when I bought them (in size XXL), I thought, "this will be way too small for me next year." Yeah right. Because I didn't do anything for the past two years to improve my weight, they're not too small. And even though they are big sized, they fit like crap. Damn. I need to find a big girl Halloween shirt, but where? I promise I'll freecycle it next year when it's way too big.

Background change

2008-10-16T10:33:00.001-04:00

I'm using one of the templates that blogger provides. If you have a cute custom background site for your blog (one that's free!), I'd love to hear about it. I'm looking for a cuter background. Thanks!

Unfortunately, a gain

2008-10-10T09:24:00.004-04:00

Friday is my official WW weigh in day. When I stepped on the scale today, I was up 1.2 pounds from last week. Not a huge gain, but a gain nonetheless. Not that I was surprised. I have a few things that I am going to work on this week to help make the scale go down... more walking and more fruits and veggies. I have not been doing very well with eating fruits and vegetables and that needs to change. That change will start today.

Wal-mart Underwear

2008-10-09T20:18:00.003-04:00

Our trip to the beach last weekend was very last minute and when I packed, I just threw things into suitcases and hoped that I had everything that I needed. The morning after we got there, I realized that I forgot underwear. Granted, I spent a lot of time in my bathing suit, but underwear was a necessity. The beach didn't have too many stores, but they did have a Wal-mart.

Wal-mart didn't have a big selection, but at least they had some bigger sizes. I bought what I needed, brought it home and opened it up. The panties were huge. There's no way they were going to fit. And then I put them on and they fit just fine. How depressing.

So my goal by the end of the year is for this underwear to fall down when I put it on. And then I'll have to get rid of it. Good riddance.

I added the points up...

2008-10-08T18:50:00.002-04:00

and I actually didn't cheat as much as I thought I did while at the beach. With Weight Watchers, you are allowed your daily allotment, but also allowed 35 weekly points. I tried hard to remember all I ate and drank at the beach and I still have a few weekly points left. That's good news.

Nothing like a vacation...

2008-10-08T13:15:00.004-04:00

to sabatage the recent success of your diet. We returned yesterday from a long weekend at the beach. I tried the first day to track my points, but then didn't keep track of my points any more. I did semi-decent. I mean, I didn't go crazy and eat a whole pack of Oreos... I only had three. I had a few drinks (beer, wine, martinis... yum!) and those pack a whole lot of points. We had dessert (cobbler with ice cream). We had hushpuppies (with butter). I didn't walk as much as I should have. I took a couple of strolls up and down the beach and played with my kids in the pool, so I was a little active.

I was pleased today when I got on the scale and I weighed the same as I did when I weighed in last Wednesday. Although Friday is my "official" Weight Watchers scale day. And I know it's not right to weigh in all the time, but I have been stepping on the scale every day. So sue me.

Progress... finally!

2008-10-03T14:37:00.004-04:00

I got on the scale this morning and got some good news. I was down 4 pounds, which equals 10 pounds total. Yay! Weight Watchers is working... now I just need to keep at it. It's great to see numbers on the scale (lower numbers!) that I haven't seen in quite a while. Four more pounds and I'll be the weight that I was about 2 years ago.

I hope that the number keeps going down. I hope that I can keep this up. There have been so many times that I start out well and then give up. I know that I need to lose the weight. I'm tired of being this way. I'm tired of looking this way. I'm tired of not being able to buy clothes in the "regular" department in a store. I'm tired of having a double chin. Most of all, I'm tired of not having enough energy - or desire - to live the life I should be living.

Two cute stories about my cute three year old

2008-09-30T21:18:00.004-04:00

So this blog is supposed to be about me and my journey to lose weight. I suppose, though, that my kids are a big part of that journey and in reality, they are a huge reason that I am making it. I want to be healthy for not only me, but them. I don't want them to have a fat mom. I don't want them to be embarassed of me. I want them to look at me and think I'm beautiful. And I want to be there for them as they grow up, perhaps get married and have babies. I want to dance at those weddings and hold my grandbabies.

On to the cute stories...

My hubby took my younger child to soccer practice... as I sat in the car and read while watching my older child at her practice. When she got back in the car, she said "Mommy, we scribbled the boys." She just could not say scrimaged.

And then today, the music teacher from her preschool comes to the same school bus stop as we do. Her teacher said hi to her and she said, "Hi... Music Teacher." Sometime she's so cute I just want to squeeze her!

How can a salad have that many points???

2008-09-26T20:20:00.005-04:00

I'm doing fairly well with my WW points. That is, until today at dinner. My beloved is out of town, so I took my kids to Bob Evans. That seems to be our go-to place when Daddy is away. I decided to be good and get a salad. Unfortunately, before we went out, I didn't do research to figure out what I should eat... that's what I usually do. So I got a "savory" (small) sized salad. And when I got home, I looked it up and it was 15 points. Yikes! I also had a roll, which was 4 points. So now I'm quite a bit over my points for the day.

The salad WAS pretty good. It had dried cranberries, bleu cheese and pecans... no wonder it had so many points.

I need to go put the kids to bed and log a little time on the treadmill! Need to get some of those activity points!

Weight Watchers

2008-09-25T14:58:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. I was successful with their program 9 or 10 years ago and lost about 35 pounds. The time of the meeting in my area is just not convenient to me, though, and I'd rather not drag the little rugrat with me. I saw a commercial the other day for a free week at weight watchers online. Today I decided to go ahead and sign up for the free week and see how I like it. You can find it at www.weightwatchers.com/free. Then I'll decide if it's something that I want to continue. The online version is a bit less than the in-person program.

So far, so good.

Operation Skinny Bitch

2008-09-25T14:51:00.004-04:00

Crap... I just wrote out a long post and blogger ate it. Yikes!

Anyway... I was googling diet blogs yesterday and came across one that was entitled "Operation Skinny Bitch." The title interested me so I looked around it. I decided to add my name and join the quest to become a "skinny bitch." Although I noticed that many of the people on there are looking to lose 10-20 pounds and I'm looking to lose two or three times that amount. But that's okay - we are all striving for the same goal.

Where will I be in a year from now?

2008-09-24T18:56:00.004-04:00

What will I look like? What size will I be? How much will I weigh? I do not want to go to my high school reunion as a fatty. I know that I won't be a skinny minny, but I'd like to be in a smaller size. To weigh less than I weigh now... maybe even quite a bit less. I haven't seen many of my high school friends in years. I don't want to be judged by anyone.

I hate being miserable in my own skin. And that's exactly how I'm feeling. So uncomfortable in my own body. This is not the way I was supposed to be. No matter what, a year is going to go by. And I can be happier and more miserable. Which will I choose?

I'm rambling... I can't seem to sort my thoughts out. I don't want to be all talk and no action.

Calorie Counting

2008-09-21T21:19:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine has been working to lose weight and has lost 100 pounds in the past year or so. I emailed her and asked if she could share some tips. She said that she's been following the diet from the Biggest Loser books and that really, it's about calorie counting. She said that you should multiply your weight by 7 and that's how many calories you should be eating. Yikes... that's a lot of calories. I do know that you need to eat those calories in order to keep your metabolism up. So I've been trying to mentally keep track of my calories. What I really need to do is write down what I eat. That's one of my short term goals.

You rarely hear about calorie counting any more. You hear about fiber and fat grams and high fructose corn syrup. But it may be as simple as counting calories. Who knew?

I have lost 8 pounds and I saw a number on the scale that I haven't seen in a while. It's not nearly the amount that I'd like to have lost, but it's a start. My wonderful husband has lost about 20 pounds in the same amount of time. That's not fair at all, but it's all about testosterone... yadda, yadda. He has been doing well and running just about every day. So he's definitely exercising more than I am.

Another Wake Up Call

2008-09-12T13:44:00.004-04:00

My husband has been working really hard to lose weight lately. And of course, men always lose faster than women. He's lost about twice the amount I have. And he's been running... I cannot run. At least not yet. I just can't stand to feel the fat jiggle. And I would hate for anyone to see me, so I'd have to run in the dark of night, which isn't very safe.

Anyway... my husband is a big guy. He's really tall - which makes him look not quite as heavy as he is. There was a time that he was more than 100 pounds heavier than I was. And I found out today that he's only a little more than 50 pounds heavier than me. How depressed am I?

So even though I didn't really want to, I took a really long, sweaty walk today (fourth one this week). And I avoided buying any cookies at the grocery store today. Even though I was really tempted. Those Oreos that were on sale were calling my name.

It's the small things, right?

2008-09-08T13:34:00.002-04:00

I've noticed something lately. After washing my shorts, I don't have to struggle to put them on. I don't have to suck in my breath - they button without any problems. I haven't had to dance around while trying to pull them over my hips - they've slid right on. Sure, they're still a size that I'm not happy about. But at least my fat shorts are fitting!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2008-09-03T15:12:00.004-04:00

I've been doing a great job with my walking. Yesterday, after I put my oldest on the bus for the first day of school, I took a walk that lasted over an hour with some friends from the neighborhood. It was long. I was tired (I needed a nap). But I felt so good. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. And I know it will get easier.

My eating, though, has not improved. No self control. But I knew that about myself. The program I'm on just started with the nutrition part of it, but I haven't been eating the food that it advises... which is lots of whole grains, fruits and veggies. I need to get on that wagon - it's a much healthier one. One place I've been doing well on is the no soda one. I haven't brought any into the house in weeks and haven't been drinking it out much either.

Am I Really That Fat?

2008-08-27T12:22:00.003-04:00

I have the mindset that ignorance is bliss. I rarely take photos of myself - and even more rarely take photos of my whole body.

While we were on vacation a week or so ago, my youngest said she wanted me to ride an amusement ride with her. She chose the teacups (ugh!). I got on and noticed that I didn't fit very well. There wasn't much room between me and the spinny thing. No worries... she's little. She won't want the cup to spin very much. I noticed my husband, on the sidelines, had my camera in his hands. When I got off, I looked at the photos. Yikes. I should blow them up and use them as inspiration (too late though... I deleted them!).

I really AM one of the fat girls. I used to be so little. So skinny. So petite. Yeah... not anymore. But hopefully that will change and next year, I'll fit into the teacups a little better.

Random Thoughts

2008-08-24T10:22:00.004-04:00

Last night, I had two bowls of Frosted Flakes. When I am going to get it through my head that I am not going to lose weight eating Frosted Flakes at 10:00 at night. But they're so, so good. I have no willpower whatsoever.

The good news is I've lost about 5 pounds in the past couple of weeks. The better news is I only gained back a pound while being on vacation at the inlaws last week. I've been doing fairly well with my walking. I only took one "planned" walk while on vacation, but I was on my feet a lot and managed to make quite a few steps every day.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran to the grocery store. As I walked in, I noticed a lady putting her groceries in her car. The lady was my high school boyfriend's mother. I could not let her see me. When I used to make out with her son (19 or so years ago), I was approximately 100 pounds lighter. ONE HUNDRED POUNDS. How disgusting is that? I could hear the conversation in my head... "Guess who I ran into? Boy, has she gotten fat. Her kids are cute, but her... wow! She's really let herself go." Granted she was (and I assume still is) a really nice lady, so maybe it wouldn't go quite like that.

And my 20 year high school reunion is coming up in another year. That's another motivation to lose weight. At my ten year reunion, I had just lost quite a bit of weight. I was probably about 60 pounds lighter than I am now. That's how I'd like to be in a year... if not more.

Walking Log Update... no soda... and a new goal

2008-08-10T20:11:00.004-04:00

I turned in my pedometer numbers last night - my average amount of steps for the past week was 4,903. Not too bad considering one day I only had 1,294 steps because of the bronchitis that I was suffering. I'm supposed to try for an average of 5,303 steps this week (an increase of 500), plus walk a minimum of 10 minutes five times this week. Shouldn't be too hard. We went on a mile hike yesterday (helped me walk over 7,000 steps yesterday) and I did take a 15 minute walk today. The program is really designed to help people not gain weight (since the average adult gains 1-2 pounds a year). I hope it will help me lose weight.

I finished the diet coke that I had in the house and now I'm not buying any more. I did this as a new year's resolution and I did pretty well - until about a month ago. I bought soda for guests or something and became hooked once again. When the grocery store had a 5 packs for $10 deal a few weeks back, I couldn't pass up the deal. So now I'm only going to drink water at home (and the occasional beer or glass of wine). I will allow myself to drink it when I am out of the house, but that should only be a couple of times a week. Not the 3-4 habit that I was experiencing during these last few weeks.

My latest goal is to try to lose 18 pounds in the next nine weeks. Can I do it???