How did I get here?

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I am the way I am... overweight. I was a normal sized kid - even a little skinny. My prom dress was a size 9. I probably weighed about 125 pounds when I graduated from college. I gained 5 or 10 pounds during that first year of high school... still relatively thin. I convinced myself, though, that I was fat after I heard that my high school boyfriend (who was no longer in my life at that point) had told someone that I had gained a lot of weight. I remember confronting him and feeling so good about it. I also remember feeling like I was going to die inside. I walked a lot that summer (between freshman and sophomore years) and looked really good by the time I went back to school.

And then... I didn't keep it up. I ate junk. I didn't exercise. I drank a lot (well, no more than your average college sophomore). I gained weight. More and more. Probably 50 or so pounds over the next three years.

By then, I had a great boyfriend. One that liked to eat and drink. One that loved me for me. A few years later, that boyfriend would become my husband. And he's a great husband. He loves me despite the fact that I don't love myself.

Anyway... by now I was in my 20's. Living it up. I got married and settled into life with my husband. By the time I was 27 or so, I decided I needed to actually do something to lose weight. I started on Weight Watchers - which is a fantastic program. I went with two other ladies. They didn't last a month. But I kept going back every week. I walked almost every day. And I lost about 35 pounds in a year. Slowly by surely. And then I got pregnant. Pregnant and sick. I wasn't worried about what I ate because I was sick every day of that pregnancy.

When I had my baby, I tried to be careful with what I ate. I went back to WW. But by then I wasn't working anymore and the couldn't justify the cost. So I slacked. And before I knew it, I weighed what I did before I went to WW the first time (which was about what I weighed when I gave birth to my first child). And then I got pregnant again. I only gained 20 or so pounds. But that weight didn't come off after the baby was born. And now I weigh more than I did when I gave birth the second time. And when your "baby" is almost 4 years old, you really can't blame the pregnancy anymore for the weight.